I attended a retirement party for a friend and colleague last Friday afternoon. It was an awesome occasion with tasty food, great friends and many laughs. I was having a wonderful time listening to all of the speakers singing the praises of my most deserving friend as she was celebrating retirement after serving in education for 35+ years.
Then it was time for her family, more specifically her children to speak. And it hit me like a Mack truck...I will not have my Lauren with me when I retire. She won't be there to speak for me, or tease me, or cry with me. I sat in my chair trying to hold back my tears. Luckily many others were getting choked up too as my friend's daughter's speech was a tear jerker and therefore my tears blended in.
I know I must sound terribly selfish. Here I am at someone else's celebration and all I can focus on is my loss and how it will continue to impact my life. I hate that this happens but it is all just so final, my daughter being gone. So absolute and so complete.
Then a former principal, with whom my friend once worked, stood and spoke about what a wonderful teacher my friend's daughter is also. She then informed my friend that she should be proud because her legacy lives on in her daughter. I honestly do not know what kept me from sliding right under the table at that point. I want to watch my daughter teach kindergarten. I want a living legacy.
There I go being selfish again but really...it is truly disheartening to think about the future sometimes. Most days I move along without "incident". But then all of a sudden...WHAM, something hits me. I did suck it up, put on a bright smile, and enjoyed the rest of the evening in honor of my friend. I just wish this grief stuff came with instructions. I only have one...PRAY. And I do, often.
