The next birthday marked Lauren's 21st year. She and I had always planned to go to the Dallas Bull, a country dance club here in Tampa. This is where we had gone for her 18th birthday several years earlier. So, my friends and I got all gussied up and went anyway. The way I see it...I didn't change the plans so I was still gonna go have fun. And we did just that! It was a wonderful evening filled with memories, laughs and only a few tears.
Which brings me to this year, Lauren's 22nd birthday. Several things make this year different than the other birthdays that have passed. For one thing, I was 22 when I had Lauren. It's strange to picture myself so young and having my sweet baby girl. Of course I thought I was full grown.
Another quirk to this year's birthday is that it mirrors the year Lauren was born in 1994. She was born at 4:30 pm on Saturday and the very next day, Sunday the 8th was Mother's Day. My mother came to see us in the hospital and brought me my very first Mother's Day card. Inside she wrote "Lauren (one day old)". I was so excited and maintained the card safely tucked away in Lauren's baby book.
All of this has made me rather sentimental as I reminisce on Mother's Days gone by. The various hand made cards, gifts, poems and pictures. I've always cherished each and every one of them and now the emotional tie to these items is even stronger. Lauren was truly a sweet soul.
I end by saying that one of my bigger regrets, if one can rank the multitude of negatives to losing a child, is that I will not get to see Lauren receive her first Mother's Day card. Oh how I wanted to watch her love and embrace her own children. I only hope that I would have been a positive example for her to follow. Unfortunately I will never know.
