I observe my students and how they struggle to find acceptance in a world of social media where cruelty runs rampant and mostly unchecked. Many news stories of late have detailed instances of child abuse, children who have gone missing, and even murdered. Sex trafficking is alive and well despite our efforts to end this diabolical industry.
I cringe at the thought of maneuvering these ever present threats to my child. I often contemplate how I functioned at all when Lauren was alive. I know I did...I just can't remember how. How did I ever let her out of the door? How did I allow her to be online? How did I send her off to school in another town?
Now I don't write this to scare any of you blessed to have your children here with you. I'm not trying to make you feel bad or add to your worry. What I want to do is try to explain what happens to a mother who no longer has the weight of fear in her heart. I want you to understand that when you think of me and my tragic circumstance, understand clearly that time and faith have also allowed a unique peace.
To put it plainly...I NEVER worry about my daughter. NEVER. She is in the safest, happiest and most wonderful place. My daughter is in heaven. With that comes a serenity that can't be described. It's as if a weight is lifted off your heart.
Unfortunately a different kind of weight replaces the worry. The new weight is grief and heavy it is my friend. Anxiety is now sorrow. Apprehension has shifted to anguish. Uneasiness to despondence.
So why in the world did I title this blog "The Luckiest Mom in the World"? Here's why. I was blessed with a beautiful, healthy, smart and talented daughter. I was honored enough to experience motherhood when many are not. I was privileged to create life and watch it flourish. I laughed, cried, fussed, laughed some more and built a multitude of memories.
But mostly, I am at peace. My faith in the Lord and the reassurance that Lauren now walks with Him hand in hand gets me through each day. Yes, I miss her, but I maintain focus on the blessing I received in having her in my life at all. For that, I was the luckiest mom in the world.
