Giving Thanks

    

     As the first Thanksgiving without Lauren has come and gone I am humbled. Despite the extremely obvious deficit in my daily existence without my daughter here with me, I still have so many things to be thankful for.
     I am thankful that I met a man 3 years ago and fell in love with him. I am blessed that he fell in love with me too and asked me to be his wife. He has been such a support to me these past eight months. I honestly could not have kept moving forward without him.
     I am thankful for a wonderful career and awesome coworkers. I am thankful for a nice vehicle and the capability to always fill its tank with fuel when necessary. I am thankful for my beautiful home, sweet and loving pets, and refrigerator full of food. I am thankful for my great health. Although I need to shed a "few" pounds, I am still healthy.
     I am thankful for the best family around. Even though we fuss at each other at most holiday events, we love each other deeply. I am thankful for parents who loved my Lauren completely even though they were not thrilled with the manner in which she came into our lives. I am blessed to have two sisters who also loved and cherished my daughter as if she had been their own child.
     I am thankful that God blessed my Lauren with a talent that she loved and I enjoyed watching...YEA SOFTBALL!! I am thankful that I was able to provide for my daughter through some really lean years financially. I am blessed that I was able to manage to make it work for her to attend college away from home, she loved it.
     I am thankful that God placed His healing hands on my little girl when she had meningitis when she was only 4...it gave me more time with her. I am blessed that he helped guide me to keep her safe through all illnesses and close calls in her life.
     I am thankful that although disaster struck, it came at a time when Lauren and I were in a "good place" and not in the midst of a petty argument or irrelevant spat. I praise God that my daughter said "I love you mom" not once but twice the very night of her fateful accident. I am eternally thankful that I raised her to be a hugger and therefore I got two sweaty hugs that night too.
     I am thankful that God blessed me with the precious gift of a healthy baby girl 20 years ago. I am thankful that I was the mother of the funniest, most charming, tenderhearted, generous, beautiful, gregarious girl I have ever known. How lucky was I? Because although she is no longer here with me, I was blessed to have had Lauren at all...some are not so fortunate.

If he had survived...

     I often wonder just how far my compassion would have gone had the drunk driver who killed my daughter survived. Could I have forgiven him? Do I still need to even though he is gone?
     I am fortunate, strange to say I know, to have been spared a long trial hearing detail after detail of the worst day of my entire life. I wasn't subjected to looking into the face of the man who ripped from my life its purest joy. Never once did I have to hear his voice as he made some feeble attempt to defend his actions of that fateful night. Although I never have and never will desire for anyone to lose his or her life in a tragic way, I thank God that I was blessed to avoid additional torment and misery that would have come from the aftermath had my daughter's killer lived.
     My heart goes out to any family that must live through such a traumatic experience. I believe it would be extremely difficult to feel that any consequence could ever be harsh enough, any sentence long enough and certainly any amount of monetary compensation large enough. What could ever replace the loss of my precious daughter? Nothing.