Letter to Lauren

I have been thinking lately about how desperately I desire to speak to my Lauren again. I have contemplated what I would say to her if she were to suddenly reappear. Well...I know that isn't going to happen but decided I would write her a letter anyway. I don't think the USPS delivers to Heaven but if it did...this is what I would send.
    
Dear Lauren,
          My precious sweetgirl I want to start by saying I miss you...terribly. I miss too many things to list. Your smile, your laugh, your way of ending words with "uh" when you're frustrated and whining, your piles of dirty clothes, your car that looks like a closet, your pitching, your insistence that I watch video after silly video on YouTube, and "snuggle tummy"...just to name a few. But, niceties aside, why in the world did you have to come home after your softball game that night? Baby girl, I would have gone with you the next day to visit your step sis and new baby in the hospital. Why the rush? I am mad at you...I really am. I still can't believe you left me here. Don't you remember that all of my plans and aspirations included you? My hard work is to provide for you. My retirement was to be spent spoiling your babies. I wanted to watch you teach kindergarteners...you know, the kids too cute for you to get mad at. And I definitely wanted to say "I told you so" when you realized you can indeed get mad at them. I feel robbed. Totally cheated out of the fun, frustration, disappointments, joys, and adventures of the rest of YOUR life.
          Now I have no doubt that you are just fine. Living it up in paradise and without a care at all. Which brings me to another point. I cannot believe you went and did this without checking with me first. You asked my advice for everything. If you had asked me ahead of time whether or not I thought it was a good idea for you to die...I would have said ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I mean seriously you pain in my butt, it really was a bone headed move.
          But, what's done is done. Can't change it now. Just know that I think about you all the time. I cry about you often, but mostly when I'm by myself. I also smile when I remember the crazy times and even laugh out loud at some memories. I'm still mad...but I love you forever. Tell Jesus and everyone else up there I said "Hey" and keep enjoying the afterlife baby. I'll get there when I can. Kinda up to the Big Guy so we will both have to wait. I miss you very much.

Love,
Mom