And I slept. Tucked comfortably in my bed. I had just experienced a full evening. Lauren had competed in a double header softball game for her college, South Florida State College, earlier that evening. Now to say the team performed poorly would be an understatement....so maybe I won't say anything more about that at all. Meanwhile, less than 4 miles away her stepsister, also named Lauren (yes, I married a man with a daughter with the same name as mine) had given birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. My daughter Lauren was so elated to be an aunt. She has always loved babies as I will explain in further detail at some later date.
After her game Lauren gave me a big sweaty hug as she ALWAYS did. I shared with her the picture of the newborn baby that my ex-husband had sent to my phone. "Awww...send it to me mom" she said. We all chatted a bit, Lauren, my husband Kevin, a dear family friend Jeff, Lauren's friends Joe and Jenna, and me. Then the coach called from the bus and it was time for her to go. One more hug and a quick "Love you" and she was gone.
Kevin and I made a brief visit to the hospital to meet the new arrival, stopped for a quick bite to eat, and were in bed by 10:00.
Meanwhile, Lauren had arrived back by bus to her school. She had gone quickly into the locker room, peeled off her uniform, and hurriedly met Joe and Jenna in the parking lot. They had followed the bus back. See, during the bus ride, Lauren had been texting me. "I want to come home if I do will you come with me to see the baby"...."Yep" I typed. "Okay, thank you. Can I consider her my niece?"...."Of course!" I wrote. "I'm kinda excited to be an aunt"....my reply was a smiley face.
So excited was she that Lauren hadn't even bothered to drive her car back to the dorm. It was found the next day still parked at the sports facility on campus. So excited that she climbed into the back seat of her friend's car to drive back home in order to get up early the next morning to visit her sister and new niece in the hospital. Early enough to be back at school, which is about an hour and twenty minutes away, in time for softball practice at 11:00 am.
During the ride home Lauren sent a multitude of texts showing off her new niece. She also maintained a dialogue with her dad, my ex Ray. The last message he received from her was at 12:11. The official accident report estimates the time of impact to have been 12:14. Lauren's phone, which was most likely still in her hand, was never recovered.
All while I slept. Until 4:14 that morning.
This will be hard for you, my friend... but you can do it...
ReplyDeleteThere are no words. Nothing--no amount of love, hugs, or cliches can begin to relieve the ache of the emptiness in your heart. Time will numb the pain a little, but it won't ever go away. You will just learn to live with it as a part of the "new normal". I see you laughing and being strong, but I know what's going on inside. I handle everything with humor, too, so I understand. Those of us who appear to hold up the best and who laugh the most are the ones who are one misstep away from fracturing into a million tiny pieces like quicksilver that can never be put back together again. People see us as really strong and give their comfort instead to those who exhibit open sadness and weakness when sometimes we need someone to hold us while we cry and talk and cry--someone who will be quiet and just listen. Last spring I realized how beneficial support groups can be. Even though each person's experiences are unique to them, being with a group of people with similar experiences does help.
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