Frozen in Time

     It is truly sad to think about all of the future stages of life I will never see Lauren go through. I look at the beautiful pictures of her and I can vividly remember everything about her at the age she was when she died...but that is where it ends. She will be forever frozen in time at 19...almost 20 years old.
     I won't see her at 25 and graduating from college. Maybe in love and planning on getting married soon. I won't see her at 30, having taught kindergarten for five years and now married to her college sweetheart. I won't see her at about 33 pregnant with her first child and loving every aspect of it. She will never be 40, a mother of 2, happily married, teaching, and running her kiddos around town to little league and piano lessons.
    I will never receive a phone call from my 45 year old daughter seeking my advice because HER preteen daughter is driving her crazy. I will never get to chuckle into the phone as she rants about her daughter's messy room, lazy attitude, and social drama. But I would have loved to listen.
     I won't get to commiserate with my 50 year old daughter as she struggles to find even one thing she likes about her 15 year old son's girlfriends.....just ONE. She would have reminded me that all of her boyfriend's parents loved her. She would have been so exasperated with the whole thing. And again I would have laughed a little.
     I will never sit by her side at her children's sporting events, high school dance photo ops and graduations, or weddings. No, because in my mind and heart Lauren is only 19....forever 19. Seems like such a short amount of time compared to what she had left to do. No words can describe my disappointment.