January brought about a job change for me. Actually, it was a return to a position I had held for years in the past, prior to my stint being a site-based school administrator. Not that I did not enjoy my time as a site administrator and assistant principal...I just came to the conclusion that the culmination of these positions, the Principal's chair, is not a place I want to sit. So I returned to a district level position with the exceptional student education department and have never looked back.
Life was good, no... life was great. Lauren had returned to school and was reaping the rewards of her hard work the semester prior. She was now a recipient of a full softball scholarship which covered all classes, books, and even a meal on campus everyday. All I had to pay for second semester was her dorm.
February and March were spent attending as many games as possible including those in Bradenton and Gainesville. I really hated to miss even one. Her team was struggling a little but Lauren was really coming into her own on the mound. Her confidence was growing and her skills were improving.
Then Lauren Michelle, my step daughter from my past marriage, gave birth to a sweet and healthy baby girl. Lauren Elizabeth was so excited she could hardly stand it. She couldn't wait to be an aunt. Just one more thing going her way.
Until 12:14 am on March 28. At that time it was all over. No more softball scholarship, no more school, no meeting her niece, no degree, no teaching kindergarten, nothing. In an instant it was all gone.
And so the rest of the year continued on. Nothing seemed to matter. The new job lost its appeal, but so did everything else. It is a struggle everyday now. A struggle to care...about anything. I sometimes question why? Why work so hard, why try to get in better shape, why sleep, why wake?
As a parent you become accustomed to doing what you do for your kids. To provide for them and take care of them. I still have my stepdaughter McKenzie, but she has her dad and mom, I am really just a bystander. She doesn't need me, her parents are great.
But here's the tricky thing...what option do I have but to go on? I have to continue to act like it's all OK. I have to force myself to get up everyday to go through the motions of what is expected of me...with work, family, friends. So I will ring in 2015 and gladly put this life altering year behind me.
My new year's resolution...just get through another year.
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