Fingerprint of a Broken Heart

Each broken heart is infinitely unique. The amount of pain an individual suffers when broken hearted is impossible to quantify. No two people have the same broken heart. Each emotional blow to one's heart carries its own exclusive mark...a fingerprint of sorts.
As I watch the loved ones in my life struggle to move on without my daughter Lauren I am startled by the vast range of responses. Some are weepers and the mere mention of my baby girl's name causes them to sob. Others just avoid bringing her up altogether....they're the evaders. The equalizers provide a healthy balance between sentiment and a ¨business as usual¨ attitude.
I have completed a self evaluation and determined after much reflection that I am a separator. I compartmentalize my emotions only allowing them to exist within the time and space I have deemed appropriate. Crying is for private....in the car, in bed when I awake in the morning and as I write posts on this blog. Stories of Lauren saved for group consumption must be humorous and lively....just like they always were before she died. Highly candid conversations are saved for those I am closest to and those are far and few between.
I am not saying this is the best way to deal with the devastation of losing my only child but it is the pattern of coping I perpetually repeat day in and day out. I blog in order to get my thoughts and feelings ¨out¨ therefore having a place to leave them for a time. I can put them there and walk away for a bit. It is not that I ever stop thinking about Lauren and the fact that she is gone but this way I can actually focus on other aspects of my life.
Due to the singularity of each broken heart thus the road to mending is also individualistic. The path each of us must take to heal and reestablish normalcy in our everyday life is our own....alone. No one can dictate what this journey should look like. Of course empathy from those around you, especially those who have suffered similar pain and loss, is essential to aid in the process. Yet even these contributors to your emotional refurbishment cannot possibly understand all of the depth and dimensions of the gaping hole in your heart.
So for now I attempt to make the best of everyday and thank God for my strength through Him. I thank Him for my family and friends who continue to support me. My only option is to press on and do everything within my power to keep Lauren's memory alive and honor her life in every possible way. I truly appreciate all of you who assist me in this endeavor....I couldn't do it without you.