Facing the Unexpected

Kevin and I attended church Sunday for Father's Day. I knew the day was going to be emotionally tough as I worried about Ray and how he was handling everything. I remember all too well how difficult Mother's Day had been on me.
The sermon that morning was delivered by our Pastor of College and Youth Singles. He did a phenomenal job. He was extremely candid about the tragedy he and his wife have endured since January by losing not one but two babies to miscarriages. The most recent took place a couple of weeks after Easter. The message revolved around what happens when we are faced with something unexpected in our lives. Needless to say, a State Trooper at my door around 4:15 in the morning on March 28 delivering the devastating news of my beautiful daughter's death was totally unexpected. Never in my wildest imagination would I have considered such an event occurring upon going to sleep that night before.
The pastor talked about turning an unexpected tragedy into an unexpected opportunity. An opportunity to blow others' expectations away. He spoke of how his own loss has brought him even closer to his wife and strengthened their marriage. He expressed how he had to humble himself before the Lord and completely rely on His grace to see him out of the "Hell on Earth" he was traveling through. He could not "fix" this (as most men want to do) and had to depend on his faith in God. God will see us through if we allow Him to.
It was as if the entire message was just for me. I do not fancy myself to be the only person in the sanctuary who is going through a traumatic loss, but I desperately needed to hear the exact words being uttered that morning. Of course I cried the entire time and even turned to Kevin at one point and said "Please don't let me ever come to church again without tissues....ever!" while I attempted to wipe my tear stained cheeks with my bare hands.
Using your story was also emphasized throughout the sermon. Creating a testimony for God's love and work through your own tragedy. I have been struggling with this for weeks. I don't particularly like my story....especially the latest chapter. I write it here as a way to purge my broken heart and cleanse my mind if only very temporarily. But what is its message? I pray for clarity. All I can see now is misery and pain. How can this help anyone?
My favorite part of the sermon was when the young and enthusiastic pastor informed the congregation that Jesus is not inept. When something tragic happens in our lives our Savior is not running around Heaven in a panic asking "What do I do now?" He sits at the right hand of God and is more than capable of knowing what to do next. It is I who feels inept. I who struggles to move forward each and every day. I who debates whether or not to hang my dead daughter's stocking this Christmas. And I who doesn't yet understand what to do with my story. After all, even though I don't like it, it's the only one I've got.