Old Habits Die Hard

I have found myself reverting back to life as it always was now that the flowers have wilted away, the cards stopped arriving in the mail and most of the "business" since my daughter died has been handled. Here's the thing though, life isn't the way it was and never will be. Yet I find myself forgetting from time to time that Lauren is gone.
I used to send Lauren a text out of the blue and usually asked "Whatcha doin?" She would respond and fill me in on the latest adventure. She would often humor me and send photos when I asked. Like if she had rearranged her dorm room or changed her hair color, again. I would text "send me a pic" and she would. I would text her when sitting in my office or waiting at a red light. I would text her while walking around in a store, especially if I came across something she would have liked. I'd text her after church services on Sunday mornings as I most likely spent part if not most of the time praying for her.
Even though she had moved out of the house to live at school we were in communication at least once a day. And now that she is gone I still want to send those texts. I have to remind myself at least three times a week that she will not see my messages. And if I am in bed going to sleep any time past 10:00 pm and my phone vibrates indicating a text has been sent I still automatically assume it is Lauren. She was notorious for sending me messages late at night when she knew good and well I was already in bed. When this happens I have to remind myself all over again that it couldn't possibly be her....she's dead, remember?
I am not at all experienced with this. I don't know how long it takes for these reactions to stop. How long for my first instinct not to be contacting my baby girl to share some good news or to ask her about a particular situation. When will I quit thinking it is her contacting me? I hope it stops soon...or do I?
Ask me on different days and you will get different answers. The times I catch myself wanting to text Lauren out of habit I react in varying ways. Often I cry....shocker.  Sometimes I smile as I pause to think about her for a bit. Other times I feel angry. I love my God and I am forever faithful but I have to admit, I really don't like this part of His plan. I know it is not my place to question Him but I am officially going on record and saying I think it really stinks! And don't worry, He and I have already had several discussions about this very topic. Being the gracious Almighty God that He is I think He can handle my immense dissatisfaction. I know I may never have the answers I seek during this lifetime. I also realize that means I probably have a long wait. Lord knows only the good die young...I've learned that the hard way.