Laid to rest

After seeing Lauren for the first time in her casket I decided that we would leave it open for the visitation. I felt that the church sanctuary was large enough that those who were not comfortable seeing her could remain a safe distance away and those who did wish to say good bye would be able to. Having arrived an hour before the doors opened for all attendants I was able to spend time with Lauren before the rush of people came to pay their respects.
A few minutes before 10:00 I asked the director to go ahead and open the doors. When I turned from the front of the room I noticed the first two people signing the guest book and heading down the aisle. The owner of the restaurant in which I work, Dahlia and her beautiful daughter Jennifer. Lauren had also worked at the restaurant beginning the summer prior to her senior year and remained until her softball season started that Spring. Ever since I had called Dahlia the morning of Lauren's accident she had been beside herself. Dahlia is a "doer" and a fixer. I could tell she was distraught by the text messages I had received from her over the next few days. She couldn't fix this. No one could.
She and Jennifer were the first to arrive and they went to the front to see my Lauren. This meant so much to me. For the next hour I hugged so many people as we shared kind words, tears and even a few laughs. I can always manage a laugh.
The message that day was so wonderful and so simple....with Jesus all is never lost. With Jesus we all will see each other again. With Jesus my Lauren is safe.
At the conclusion of the service I stood and followed the casket out the door. I watched as the pallbearers loaded it into the hearse parked just outside. Then I climbed once again into Ray's truck and waited. I watched people file out of the sanctuary. So many that I hadn't had the opportunity to speak to but who remained for the service anyway.  Friends I hadn't seen in years, co workers from the past and present, and many young people who knew Lauren.
Finally the time had come to drive to the cemetery. The hearse pulled slowly onto the street and Ray and I followed right behind. Kevin and his daughter McKenzie were in the next car. Ray and I laughed as the Deputies led us through intersection after intersection agreeing that Lauren would have gotten a real kick out of all of the traffic stopping attention.
We arrived graveside and everything was prepared. The hearse backed in near Lauren's plot. We allowed time for others to arrive. Many had accompanied us to the site. After a sufficient amount of time passed the pallbearers lifted the casket out of the back of the hearse and placed it on the support straps hovering over the hole in the ground where my daughter would soon be lowered.
I took my seat on the front row of the chairs that had been set out. I listened as my dear friend Sandie and her daughter Salena spoke so beautifully about my Lauren. I listened as her assistant coach Heather spoke kind words about Lauren's heart, soul and dedication. I listened as my Uncle Lloyd spoke about things Lauren had written. I listened and I sat. I stared at the casket and I stared at the rigging holding it from it's final resting place. I had already decided I would not stay after the service. I could not bear to watch my daughter being put into the ground.
When the graveside service ended I hugged more, cried more and yes, laughed a little more. Then I returned to the church to gather with my family for a meal. On the drive back to the dining hall I sadly thought that I really wish Lauren could have seen all the hoopla that had taken place for her that day. She would have been shocked and very flattered. I know she was watching and must have been amazed...she never knew how many lives she had touched in her short time with us. I'm not sure I fully understood either. I'm glad I know now.