Mother's Day

Today is the day we all celebrate mothers. It will be my first Mother's Day without my daughter Lauren. I actually had to contemplate this new phase of  life when my sisters and I were making plans for the day. We were talking about taking our parents to Bok Tower and the research online revealed that mothers received free admission on their special day. I paused...am I still a mother?
This is a strange predicament in which to find myself. I have step children from my previous and current marriages but Lauren was my only biological child. Now that she is gone am I technically no longer a mother? Of course everyone in my life insists that I am being silly and I am most certainly now and will always be a mother.
I remember when I became a mother. I was a mere 22 years old and a college student attending Valdosta State College in Georgia when I discovered I was pregnant. Yes I was an unwed mother. Thankfully our God is ever loving and forgiving as I certainly didn't always do everything right. I returned home and once my parents got over being disappointed (didn't take long) I settled in and started getting ready for baby.
I worked at a local restaurant to save money and attended classes at Hillsborough Community College part time. My pregnancy went very well until the last month. I developed toxemia which causes hypertension, fluid retention and edema. For this reason my doctor decided to induce labor a little early. The first attempt was unsuccessful and I was sent home after several days in the hospital. Lauren wasn't ready to join the world just yet.
I went in for a doctor's appointment on Friday, May 6, 1994 at 10:00 in the morning. Again my blood pressure was through the roof and again I was sent to the hospital. Due to the possible dangerous side effects of the medication I was receiving in order to keep my blood pressure under control during labor I was restricted to my bed. No walking in the hallway, no sitting up too long and no going to the bathroom....and bedpans are no fun when you have a big belly. Not that they're fun otherwise.
The process began around 11:00 on that Friday and Lauren Elizabeth was born at approximately 4:30 pm Saturday, May 7, 1994. Yes, 29 and a half hours later. Seven pounds and 1 ounce of beautiful baby girl. I was required to remain on bed rest for 24 hours following delivery and Lauren was placed in a special nursery as she had some of the medication I  had received in her system and needed to be closely monitored. The only place on her body the staff could place the IV she needed was in the top of her tiny little head. She looked like a pitiful Shriner in her funny little hat of tape and gauze.
The nurses said I could call anytime to check on her. I could have her in my room only when I had visitors as I was restricted to bed, me and my bed pan. I begged my mom to come out early the next morning so I could keep Lauren in the room. When I rang the nursery once to check on her the nurse who answered made me feel terrible. I mentioned that I was on bed rest until 4:30 that afternoon explaining that I was waiting for my mother to arrive to have Lauren brought up to the room. She then said " Oh, we were wondering why you hadn't called for your baby to be brought to you." I cried and cried. Here I was only hours into this thing called motherhood and I was already labeled an unfit mom. Maybe I wasn't cut out for this mother business. I guess my mom was just going to have to take over. I'm pretty sure I was a tad hormonal and on the sensitive side.
Sunday morning my mother arrived with my very first Mother's Day card. The signature read " Love Lauren (one day old)" I still have this card tucked away in Lauren's baby book. And thus the first of many cards to come had been delivered. Some bought in a store and others created lovingly by hand at school or church. I loved and cherished them and still have them all.
I know today will be difficult. I will enjoy the day with my family...it is actually my dad's 78th birthday also. I will miss my Lauren terribly but I will always be a mom. Her mom.