But of all the families involved my heart broke the most for the mother of the driver who lost control of his car and crossed the median that fateful morning. I wondered how she was handling everything. The news media had not been kind in their reporting of the "at fault" driver. Every news story advertised that he had an extensive criminal history including drug charges and that he was presently driving with a revoked license.
Now many people expected me to be angry and perhaps even vindictive. But I was just morose. I could not imagine the grief that the other driver's mother must have been experiencing. I almost felt guilty that the stories on the television about Lauren were so glowing. Not that my child didn't deserve to be portrayed in such a manner but my mind and heart kept thinking of one specific mom.
When you are a mother you never, I mean never stop worrying about your children. There are times in life when you are more at peace than others but there is always this small nagging fear which resides in a mother's heart which cannot be described. For a few months leading up to the accident I kept experiencing a periodic yet persistent feeling of impending doom. It would hit me unexpectedly like a wave of panic or a cold chill of anxiety. I prayed about this feeling and asked God to please take care of Lauren. I must admit I also asked God.."Please don't let her do anything incredibly stupid!"
Lauren had a habit of calling me and dropping an emotional bomb right about the time I believed things in her life were running smoothly. For this reason I attempted to dismiss my ominous premonitions as being just that....a typical day in the life of Lauren's mom. I expected her to call one day and announce that she was miserable and wanted to quit school and return home. The thought of this irritated me to no end. So I prayed daily that the call would not come. Now I desperately wish she would call to tell me anything. I mean ANYTHING.
Yet my heart was heavy for another mom too. I have the benefit of complete peace with knowing the person my daughter was and the life she was leading at the time of her death. She was on such a positive path that although it is disheartening to never have the privilege and joy of seeing her complete her journey it is comforting to know where she was headed. Not so, I believe, for the mother of the other driver that morning.
Adult children (even those not yet adult age) make independent decisions which parents have very little if any control over. Does this make a mother's love any less potent? As your children become older you pray that the foundation you built and nurtured within their hearts and minds remains strong enough to fortify them through the experiences they will face in life. You pray that they will make healthy, positive and Godly decisions. But this is not always the case. But do you stop loving them?
No...you never cease to love. Just as I love Lauren so does the mother of the other driver from that day. If the news media was accurately reporting the story of his past then she has already suffered many times over as she watched her son make decisions that were not in his best interest including the decision to get behind the wheel that early morning. I can only hope that she too prayed for her child to change his ways and start on a more positive path in his life. As a Christian I believe that it is never too late to make that change as God's mercy surely makes all things possible. But he has no tomorrows now. His mother will never receive that phone call or visit from her son saying "Hey mom....I'm ready to make some changes in my life for the better."
And that has left me despondent.
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