Little Signs

As days pass since my daughter's death I continue to receive little signs that she is still here in a spiritual sense. Perhaps I just want this to be true but irregardless there have been occurrences that would lead one to believe she is sending messages. Sometimes I recognize them right away and other times I am not cognizant of what is happening in the moment and realize after the fact that there had been a connection to my girl. I have shared one such experience when I wrote about the scoreboard at her college softball team's game displaying all 2's which added up to 20, her number.
Shortly thereafter I was waiting in the front lobby of one of my schools and received another sign. As it often does, my mind wandered to thoughts of Lauren. I sat in the chair staring out the window and was on the verge of one of my silent cries when a man entered the office. Displaying good manners the man removed the ball cap from his head as he crossed the threshold to enter the room. In an attempt to shift my focus I turned my gaze from the window and began to survey the front office and its occupants. My eyes fell upon the man who had entered and I immediately noticed the hat he was now holding in his hand down by his side. It was exactly like a hat that Lauren had received as a gift from her dad Mitchell.
Lauren wore that hat continuously during her travel ball season that summer. She believed it made her look tough and gave her luck. One time she went with some teammates to eat during a break in between games at a tournament and accidentally left her hat at the restaurant. I had remained at the field and was made aware of her mistake upon her return. She asked if we could go by the restaurant to retrieve the hat when the tournament concluded but I said no. I am so mean. I was also hot, tired and cranky after sitting in the sun all day watching game after game. I told her I didn't even know where they had gone and she needed to learn to be responsible and keep up with her stuff.
A friend of mine, Jonathan, overheard the conversation. He returned to the area the following day for a job and went by the restaurant and picked up Lauren's hat. She was thrilled and I felt like a shrew...but it was so sweet of him to go out of his way. I will never forget his kindness.
Back to the man in the office. I was so stunned that he was holding the same hat right as I was thinking about how much I miss my girl. It was like Lauren was telling me all is well. An overwhelming sense of calm washed over me and my tears disappeared. Then I behaved like a totally creepy stalker and snapped several photos of the man's hat with my cell phone.
Another time I was unaware of the sign that was right in front of me until I received a message on Facebook from a friend of mine. Kevin and I went on a camping trip after Lauren's accident which we had scheduled months in advance. We felt it was important to get away and spend some time together as we had already planned the trip well before the accident. While camping at Manatee Springs State Park I kept noticing a beautiful Cardinal that visited our site often. The gorgeous red bird would come so close to us when we were sitting outside that I took a few pictures of it.
When we returned home I was signed onto Facebook and had received a message from my friend Christy stating "Saw this and thought of you!" She had attached the following,
"A cardinal is a representative of a loved one who passed away. When you see one, it means they are visiting you. They usually show up when you most need them or miss them. They also make an appearance during times of celebration as well as despair to let you know they will always be with you. Look for them, they'll appear." I immediately wrote her back telling her she had given me goosebumps and relayed the story of the cardinal at our campsite. She never wrote me back so I may have freaked her out a little. I have no doubt that Lauren is still with me. I look forward to many more signs of her presence as she is most certainly always in my heart.